There is much evidence to support the idea that our thoughts and words are very powerful and go to make up our world reality.
‘With our thoughts, we make our world’ – Gautama the Buddha.
‘Energy follows thought’ – Annie Besant – Thought Power: its control and culture (1903/1979).
‘We become what we behold’ – William Blake.
‘Man creates his own disharmony’- Hasrat Inayat Khan.
With the above in mind let us have a closer look at some of the words we use and the deeper meaning of these.
We might begin with a phrase that is frequently heard when you state something to someone. This is, ‘yes but.’ This is their way of negating the opinion or idea that you have expressed. Listen to yourself as you speak. Do you use this? It is a communication blocker.
The option for acknowledging what the other person says AND just stating your own opinion is to use ‘yes and.’ This does two things with the energy of communication.
Firstly it acknowledges the person’s point of view as valid for them and secondly, it keeps the flow of the conversation in place.
There are empowering and disempowering words that most of us use a lot of the time. For instance ‘got to’, ‘have to’ and ‘must’ usually denote a feeling of no choice. Again, listen to yourself talk and the speech of others to get a sense of what is going on at an inner level.
‘Should’ is a good one to be aware of, as there are usually some feelings of guilt behind it. Do you ever find yourself saying, ‘I should go and do XYZ’? At the back of this is the idea that if I do not I will feel bad.
We also have never, forever and always. These come under the heading of gross generalizations. The first thing that can be stated is, they are generally ‘never’ true all the time.
For example; ‘She always gets that look on her face when I come home late’ and ‘you never buy me anything nice anymore.’ These statements are reflecting the perception of the person generalizing, not the reality of the matter. Again, use awareness with regard to what is going on in any given communication situation.
The word ‘try’ is another interesting little word. You may have seen a demonstration of this when someone is asked to try to pick up a pen. You do not ‘try’ to do something.
You either do it or you do not. Another example would be if you ask someone to do something for you and they reply that they ‘will try’ to do whatever it is you have asked. You can be pretty sure with that sort of comeback your request will not be honored.
It is fine being aware of what other people say, just beware of pointing out anything to your significant other, as a thick ear my be the order of the day. Of more importance is being aware of what words and phrases you use yourself.
You will be surprised and delighted at what a difference changing your words can have on your communication with others and your life in general. This really can be quite transformational.
Go forth and have fun playing with words!
